Unifying sexual differences in the bedroom
Women learn to give priority to the romantic and bonding aspects of the love relationship and to deny the sexual and genital aspects. Meanwhile men tend to develop a preference for the latter and to repress the bonding aspect.
It is these differences in men and women that frequently produce misunderstandings and differences in desire in a relationship.
On the one hand, the fact that only one aspect of sexuality is accepted at the expense of the other leads to sexual experiences which can only be partially fulfilling for women and for men. On the other hand, because the aspect privileged by one of the partners is the one denied by the other, men and women come to have a different understanding of sexuality and consequently develop different expectations.
For example, the man would be thinking about whether he wants oral sex or a romp in the car, whilst his woman is thinking about commitment and roses.
These different expectations cause of frictions the relationship as each partner believes that his or her way of sexual expression is better than that of the other. The friction occurs when each partner tries to convince the other one that his/her point of view is better.
Women would like their partners to be nothing other than all tender and loving. On the other hand men wish that their women could just get “wild” in bed.
Because of these different expectations, the communication process is broken down and it becomes difficult to fulfill each other’s important needs. At the centre of this problem is the need for the woman to retain her femininity and the man his masculinity. By giving in to the man’s way of doing this, the woman feels that she is losing out. The man feels he is losing out by giving in to the woman.
Some women feel that by giving in to a man’s demand for sex with no emotional conditions is succumbing to indecency.
Similarly, a man does not wish to be perceived as weak and so he refuses to be tender and relational.
However, if a relationship would have a chance of success, partners need to understand that when it comes to the issues behind the bedroom door, it is a matter give and take.
Couples must understand that, you cannot love your partner from your own viewpoint. To love your partner you have to love them from their side.
It then becomes necessary for men and women to recognize that their partner’s way of experiencing sexuality is complimentary to their own and that both would gain by simply integrating the other’s approach into their own way of experiencing sexuality.
Even so, this recognition is only the first step in a long process of integration of the two aspects of sexuality within a person's and a couple's sexuality that becomes a source of pleasure and fulfillment. Here are some pointers that would help you resolve such conflicts in your own relationship.
1. Identify how you feel. Be clear about your own expectations and sexual needs.
2. Learn and understand your partners needs, expectations, and feelings regarding their own sexuality and sexual needs.
3. Communicate clearly your sexual feelings, expectations, and needs.
4. Be receptive when your partner tries to communicate their needs and expectations.
5. Do not look down on your partners needs or feel that your own are of superior importance.
6. Look at your partners needs as your opportunity for adventure and new experiences
7. Enjoy yourself, and enjoy your partner, and enjoy you’re your union.