Get it right: think like a woman
IF I WERE A BOY…
I would tell her, as often as possible, how beautiful she is, how much I love her and how lucky I am to have her.
There’s nothing as uninspiring as having to decide, based on whatever signs you choose to string together, whether he loves you or not; whether his love is growing or going slowly out of the window. Some men think if I’m with her and not somebody else then obviously she knows it’s her I love. Well, there’s a way of making it actually obvious and that’s by telling her. Whatever you do, don’t make her ask you if you love her.
I would be her friend not her personal tormenter
You don’t want to be that hurtful man who dismisses all her concerns as petty and does not care one bit about her feelings. The only time you have something to say is when you are ‘pointing out’ what she is doing ‘wrong’. You know that foolish talk that goes: “Robert’s woman is too fine. That’s how women are supposed to look and act and and and... Eish, that guy is too lucky to have her!” Well, if you can say that to my face then I certainly am unlucky to have you. A woman needs her man to be her best friend and ultimate cheer leader, responsive to her needs and passionate about her happiness. Criticism should be well thought out and given well not thrown at her like she’s an enemy.
I would spend quality time with her
How many women do you know with husbands or boyfriends yet are as lonely as can be? Too many to even attempt to count. So where exactly do some of these men go? What is so hard about making time to sit and talk together, listen to each other, laugh together, dream together and be awesome together? Why do you want to put the poor woman in a constant state of pursuing you just to get your attention? Before anything else, we want you. We don’t want your big house or big cars or fat cheques if they don't come with your loving and keen-to-be-with-us self.
I would avoid the “ndise chabe vipuba” mindset.
There’s no denying every man and indeed woman’s imperfection. Yet there’s a big difference between acknowledging a weakness and striving to work on it and taking that weakness and wearing it like a badge of honour. If you have ‘habits’ that you can never tolerate in your woman e.g. cheating with other partners, then by all means “ndise chabe vipuba” is not an acceptable defence, you need to take more responsibility for your actions. You also need to be fair and only give her what you would not mind receiving from her.
I would love her with my heart, mind and wallet.
You know how they say you can give without loving but you can’t love without giving? A man with a ‘short hand’ as they say, is communicating a lot of things with his stinginess. Some think they first have to have lots of money to start sharing with their women but truth is if you were unable to get her even 5 pin talk time from your 100 pin income then you still won’t be able to do much even if you now have hundreds of millions. Give her out of your own love and commitment to her and please don’t make her ask for it. And even if you know she has more money than you, it will still make her very happy if you buy her lunch or take her to a movie, she is your woman after all.
I would support her goals and celebrate her victories.
There are some kinds of men that make you want to look at the calendar just to be doubly sure we are in 2012 and not 1905. You know those ones that say “there’s no way I can be with a woman who earns more than I do” or “why do you want to further your education, isn’t this qualification you have already too much for a woman?” Such views almost always come from an insecure and controlling man who feels threatened by an economically empowered woman. Thing is if we are together then we are a team and if your money is good enough to take care of both of us then mine should be accepted the same way. I’m not going to ask the company to cut my salary in half or whatever it would take for me to earn less than you, so just get used to it.
I would notice her efforts and compliment her.
If I live with you and you see me leave in the morning yet the first compliment I get on how I look is from some random guy on the street or in my office then I have an actual problem with that. Do you have the slightest idea how much effort goes into maintaining a particular look? No one expects you to actually get it but it’s enough for you to just notice and give credit where it’s due.